Is it rude to ask guests to attend/pay for a destination wedding?

[motherof5]

As long as you are okay with people not coming (and you say you are), then I have no problem with it.

I agree. Those that want to and can afford to will come. It's your day, but make sure your okay that some may not come. That can also be a positive so you have a smaller more intimate wedding.

 

[ars0525]

I wouldn't expect anyone to pay for me attending their destination wedding. Or even their "local" weddings since I moved away from our hometown. It's my choice to attend or skip it.

Friend planned a wedding at an inclusive resort in Jamaica. Gave like a 16 month heads up this was their wedding plan after got engaged. I want to say about 12/13 months ahead gave out the dates & location/resort to anyone who MIGHT be interested in attending (I don't recall if there was save the date cards sent just cause we talked about it frequently enough I didn't get one lol). I started looking at costs & trying to find someone to go with me (who would have to pay their own way as well). I want to say in October we got the actual wedding invites with all the travel agent info & such (if you wanted to got that route) for a wedding that was in May. But again none of that was a surprise to me. My bestie from back home decided to go so we made it a girls trip Thursday-Monday with the wedding on Saturday. She paid her own way (plus getting to FL cause we all lived here) & I paid mine & WE HAD A BLAST!!! The group ended up being close to 50 people which the bride & groom never imagined happening. I only knew maybe 4 people going & we met tons of others which made it fun. I would totally go to another destination wedding if it was do-able! And even though we were told not to many times, I still sent a small wedding gift. The bride & groom paid for a wedding dinner event Saturday night after the ceremony otherwise the rest was covered under the inclusive resort (food & drink).

I think the biggest keys to any type of wedding is giving as much information as you can as soon as you can. If people have plenty of notice & can plan who knows what they'll decide?

 

[Wild4Walt]

My step-daughter just had a destination wedding ( sadly, not at Disney ). She gave us plenty of notice - pretty much as soon as they had decided what they wanted to do they booked a date and sent out Save The Dates. This was all a little over a year prior. Some family made it, some didn't but those that came had a great time. The timing also gave people time to save.

 

[MudQueen22]

Dh and I worked for the same agency at the time of our wedding, and would have felt obligated to invite most of our colleagues if we were to have married locally. We chose a destination wedding, and one reason was to trim the guest list. The only person offended was dh's SIL, even though we told her we were not offended that they couldn't make it. (We didn't tell her this, but we were rather glad they couldn't.)
One of my siblings could not attend, and we were not offended in the slightest.

Two meals were provided for guests (rehearsal dinner and reception lunch); they needed to pay for travel (it was driving distance), lodging for one night, and their breakfast. We did pay for the minister's lodging, of course.

 

[North of Mouse]

IMO, destination weddings are selfish on the part of the couple. It can really put close relatives and friends 'in a spot'. They would love to attend, but can't afford it, or can't take the time off, or both. Most people, even if they can afford the trip, would sort of like to choose their own vacations - yep, like I said, my opinion.

 

[Amunet]

Jumping in late! No, you're fine. It's your day If you want EVERYONE at your wedding, a destination wedding wouldn't work for you But since your fine if people decline, do it!
We are planning for a DCL wedding as well. We haven't gotten complaints about destination, but about how far out it is (Feb. 2022). I have family/friends that need time to save, so ive already announced our wedding will be on a Disney Cruise and to start saving. This way, those that would like to turn it into their family vacation can do so, they just have a cool wedding on one of those days lol

 

[cedricandsophie]

We have been to a few destination weddings, Santa Barbara, Kauai and Nevada to name a few. It would never occur to me to assume they would pay. There were free dinners, for rehearsal and wedding receptions and they did offer group discounts for rooms. My nephew got married on Kauai and more than 30 people came from Chicago including lots of his friends. It was a great time. If it were a cruise you might look into a group room discount if you can guarantee so many rooms.

 

[cedricandsophie]

We have been to a few destination weddings, Santa Barbara, Kauai and Nevada to name a few. It would never occur to me to assume they would pay. There were free dinners, for rehearsal and wedding receptions and they did offer group discounts for rooms. My nephew got married on Kauai and more than 30 people came from Chicago including lots of his friends. It was a great time. If it were a cruise you might look into a group room discount if you can guarantee so many rooms.

 

[Mainsail Minnie]

We are considering a Disney Cruise wedding. One of our concerns is that our guests may be angry at us for requesting their presence at something costly and time consuming. We fully understand that many people may not be able to attend and have no ill will towards them. Would you be irritated at receiving an invitation that asked you to travel to a destination wedding and pay for your own trip?

Yes. It isn't hospitable to do that, as it will require your guests to spend a lot. It also indicates that the couple values the superficial setting over the presence of friends and family. It's better to elope if you're set on a faraway/expensive destination for your wedding. Or save the faraway/expensive destination for your honeymoon.

 

[robinb]

IMO, destination weddings are selfish on the part of the couple. It can really put close relatives and friends 'in a spot'. They would love to attend, but can't afford it, or can't take the time off, or both. Most people, even if they can afford the trip, would sort of like to choose their own vacations - yep, like I said, my opinion.

I totally agree. ESPECIALLY when one of the main motivators of a destination wedding is reducing the cost of the wedding by thinning out the herd of people who will attend.

 

[TinkLoverSam]

Not everyone lives close the their families. Those stating it's rude to have a destination wedding aren't considering those of us who have moved across the country from our families.

Am I to have a wedding in either my hometown or my husband's hometown even though we don't live there so none of our guests have to travel. But wait, we met while living away from our families and our families don't live in the same town. Do we have two weddings? One in each home town so that only we, the couple, are out travel expenses?

That doesn't seem reasonable now does it? We had a destination wedding. Everyone had to travel to attend and we had our wedding in a place that was important to us. Those that could make it did and those that couldn't were missed but we understood.

 

[stephk1981]

My DH and I lived quite far apart, we agreed to have the wedding where he lived. I have a small family anyway, with half living in the UK and half in the states. My mother, aunt, uncle and 2 cousins came ( via flight from their states.) They paid. My father, stepmother, and grandmother came from the UK. They paid their own airfare/ accomodations. I did however have four friends from school in my wedding,we paid for their and spouses airfare/ hotels to come. We felt like if family could make it, great, but if not we understood. We had to choose either where DH or where I lived, he has a huge family, I didn't, do it made more sense. I paid for my part of the wedding party airfare and hotel because it definitely didn't seem right to impose that cost on them.

 

[JurassicKranz]

My DF and I are getting married at the wedding pavilion in May 2020 and we have had a lot of friends and even many family members who moaned and groaned at first about having to travel for our wedding. I think they thought if they complained enough we would change our plans, but we carried on and put down our deposit and now that they know there is no going back now, they are all excited and on board and have really come around. If its what you want, then do it! Don't let anyone else's opinion change your mind. That goes for all aspects of your wedding.

 

[robinb]

Not everyone lives close the their families. Those stating it's rude to have a destination wedding aren't considering those of us who have moved across the country from our families.

Am I to have a wedding in either my hometown or my husband's hometown even though we don't live there so none of our guests have to travel. But wait, we met while living away from our families and our families don't live in the same town. Do we have two weddings? One in each home town so that only we, the couple, are out travel expenses?

That doesn't seem reasonable now does it? We had a destination wedding. Everyone had to travel to attend and we had our wedding in a place that was important to us. Those that could make it did and those that couldn't were missed but we understood.

Sorry, but your rationalization for a destination wedding is simply not true. A wedding where you and your husband lived at the time or in one of your home towns would have been much cheaper for the majority of your guests than a destination wedding. Resort pricing (beach, Disney, island, etc) is more expensive for both food and lodging. In addition, people end up forking out more money for things like Disney park passes or cruise excursions.

You had the wedding you wanted and that's cool. Just don't spin it like you were trying to be fair to your guests.

 

[TinkLoverSam]

Sorry, but your rationalization for a destination wedding is simply not true. A wedding where you and your husband lived at the time or in one of your home towns would have been much cheaper for the majority of your guests than a destination wedding. Resort pricing (beach, Disney, island, etc) is more expensive for both food and lodging. In addition, people end up forking out more money for things like Disney park passes or cruise excursions.

You had the wedding you wanted and that's cool. Just don't spin it like you were trying to be fair to your guests.

We had 10 ppl at our wedding total who stayed in offsite hotels that were part of the chain where I worked and were booked at staff pricing. It was quite fair to our guests especially because inter-Canada flights are far more expensive than flying to the US.

 

[Eeyore daily]

Seems like a reasonable argument to me. I'm in that same situation, if they're going to travel to the wedding regardless doesn't really matter where it is as you're going to pay for lodging and food no matter where you are.

 

[BingoJoe]

You just need to make sure that everyone knows they don't need to feel obligated to come.

Most people I know who have had weddings abroad actually did so because they wanted to have a small wedding without offending people. The knew the cost would put everyone not particularly close off attending and there would be no hard feelings on either side. But this could be different in different cultures.

 

[robinb]

Seems like a reasonable argument to me. I'm in that same situation, if they're going to travel to the wedding regardless doesn't really matter where it is as you're going to pay for lodging and food no matter where you are.

Yes, but my point is that your guests pay *more* for a destination wedding in a resort area (or on a cruise).

 

[lovin'fl]

Not sure if this has been mentioned but many cruise lines will do a wedding on embarkation day and then the guests who didn't book the cruise get off before departure. I have seen these on my Carnival and Royal Caribbean cruises. An issue would be if you aren't from a cruise port (we are from Baltimore so all our family is up that way and could attend an embarkation day wedding and then get off the ship or even book the cruise). But getting married on a tropical island is more the appeal than just on the ship in the port of Baltimore.

I will say that we are all for traveling to destination weddings....depending on location. I would not be offended to be invited to one for any of my kids or my nieces/nephews (those are probably the only weddings in my near future). DS is dating a gal from India and talked about a wedding there. We'd go though it would be tough for me due to long flights (I have flying anxiety). And it would be a week long affair from what I've been told. Our extended family wouldn't likely be able to go and we'd just host a big reception at home afterward. I keep trying to talk my DDs into a Disney wedding. A cruise wedding would be fine too. Or an all inclusive resort. I am up for any of those. Even though Vegas isn't my thing, I'd go there for a wedding too.

 

[gtpoohbear]

For me personally, the only case in which I would give up significant time/money to attend a destination wedding would be for one of my own kids getting married. Our vacation time each year is far too limited, and there are too many things we want to do and already have planned out, to give up a week of vacation time (+ several thousand $$) to go to a cousin/friend/niece/etc's wedding. Maybe if we could make it a quick weekend trip, but definitely not if it required more than that.

That said however, I do think that when it is YOUR wedding, you have the right to do absolutely whatever you want. And if going somewhere exotic is what you dream of, then you should go for it. Just don't put any expectation or pressure on anyone else to attend. There's nothing wrong with inviting, as long as it doesn't involve a guilt-trip for saying no. I also don't think anyone should make you feel guilty for having a wedding they can't come to (for whatever reason), as the event is a major event in YOUR life, not theirs. I would not be at all offended or upset to receive an invitation, but would just politely decline, send a gift, and wish them well.