I been avoiding sharing my story on here, but tonight it finally seems like a good time.
When my ex & I got together, we were one of those couples that just fell into everything way too fast. Within a month we were saying I love you & moving in together shortly thereafter. He never really proposed, we just knew we were going to get married & that happened after we'd been together a little more than a year. We were that couple that just nauseated everyone around them because we were so in love.
I had made it very clear from day one that the one thing I couldn't put up with in a relationship was cheating. I'd had an ex-boyfriend that cheated a lot & played a lot of mind games, lying to me about it, making it all my fault....etc. Anyway, cheating wasn't really something I was going to have to worry about with my husband because everyone that knew him would have told you he's not that guy.
Fast forward to somewhere in our 3rd year together & he told me he was ready to have a child. We got pregnant pretty quickly & he was great at first when my son was born. For the next couple of years he was a great dad when he was there. As time went by he found more & more excuses to be a way from home. He was in the military, so he had a pretty demanding schedule already. But, he picked up a 2nd part time job as a tattoo artist & several hobbies with his buddies. It was all I could do to get him to spend time at home with us. Even though this bothered me, I tried to be supportive of his right to his own time & hobbies, especially because he did want to tattoo full time after he left the military. But when I would try to bring up that maybe he was unhappy & that was why he wasn't at home, he would assure me that he was in love as ever. That our son & I were his world & he would die without us. So, although we had issues like any couple, I had no idea of the real scope because he wouldn't be honest with me.
When our son was 2 1/2 & we were in the process of moving cross country because of the military (thankfully back to the state that I considered home), I found out he was cheating. I was the one who paid all the bills & just happened to notice the cell phone bill was 3 pages long that month, which was unusual for us. When I looked at the call history there were tons & tons of calls to the same number. I confronted him & I swear to god, he became a different person almost instantly. Or at least he stopped pretending to be the person that I thought he was & that I had been in love with. He became mean & hurtful, trying to deflect all the blame to me. Thinking back, I believe my "favorite" statement that he made was that it was my fault that he had to lie to me because I wasn't ok with him cheating. As if it was a perfectly acceptable practice to everyone else in our society & I was abnormal for having an issue with it. It was almost better that he changed that drastically though. Although it was extremely painful at the time, it made it so much easier to get over him that much faster. I eventually found out that there'd been lots of cheating, starting when we'd been married only 6 months. But, none of those girls stuck. It wasn't until he met an 18 year old (10 years younger than him) at the tattoo shop that he had an relationship with someone. They'd been together about a month when I caught him.
Now, almost 10 years later, we live on opposite coasts. He always pays his child support on time, but he's never here to help. He talks to my son on the phone pretty regularly & they get to spend a couple weeks together each year. If he was here he would have shared custody. The standard 1 evening a week & every other weekend, but I don't think he'll ever move close. He ended up marrying the 18 year old. She left at one point, I think for cheating, but they eventually got back together. And he always chooses her in the end. She wants to live near her family in NY, so that's where he lives. Never mind, that he son is growing up in Washington & he's missing most of it. I would still say he's a good dad, but I also still feel the need to add the caveat, when he's there.
Not to make a joke of all my past pain, but I feel like I should end the story this way. I should have known he wasn't the right one....he hated most things Disney.
I tried dating after, I was even engaged. My ex fiance at first was great with my daughter, but when we all moved in together he changed to both of us. We were no longer important, and he started to try and be Mr. Dictator to both of us. Its one thing to co parent, its another to try and dominate. I am no one's maid, and butler. He was constantly going head to head with my daughter and I..My daughter is gifted with adhd, so she states all her opinions, is extremely intelligent but has horrible breakdowns. Anyway after moving in, he was out within 3 months. My daughter and I are very lucky as my parents (both mom and dad) act as my husband lol. I tell them all the time they together are my husband. 
I am single because I choose to be. I am not rushing into anything ever. My daughter and I are a team, has been since she has been born, and she is 10 now. She keeps me grounded as I am more of the adventurer, and I open her mind to experiences in life. If it was up to her we'd be at home all the time, I do not think so, there is life to live and we are going to live it. Being a single parent is hard but it gets easier every day. I hope everyone here has some sort of a support system, and remember that they are not alone.
I have a story, too, but just don't want to delve and share all the sad details now. But I share custody & know it can be wrenching. There are good things, too, though. You can do things for yourself now a bit more, and if you get involved with another man (don't rush, but eventually it might happen), you'll have some real 1:1 time with him.
